Hello again! Welcome back to Sarcasm Action News Tonight! Tonight we have breaking news coming live from Washington, DC at the White House! It was just reported last week on SNT that a 99 year old man named John F Kennedy actually IS coming back to life! The news reporters over at CNN News at Washington, DC have officially confirmed that John F Kennedy has finally came back after over 53 years of disappearing from the face of the Earth! It was just discovered here in Washington, DC at Arlington National Cemetery that John F Kennedy has officially came back to life!
According to an old SNT news report from last September 2015, it was reported that John F Kennedy was coming back to life! We explained to our readers on September 2nd, 2015 that a 97 year old man named John F Kennedy was asking for someone to "rescue him from his grave". We also said on the report that the Washington DC Police Department investigated a phone call from the 97 year old man that was received by a 42 year old man who answered the "undetermined" phone call at a phone booth in the middle of the cemetery. We also said that the 42 year old man heard on the phone that the 97 year old man said that "his name WAS John F Kennedy". The report went on saying that Kennedy told the 42 year old man on the phone that he wanted the Washington DC Police to "rescue him from his grave". The call was investigated by the Washington DC Police Department and was discovered on his ID to have said "John F Kennedy". Unfortunately, an unrealistic legend from the 1960's had a sarcastic report stating that "John F Kennedy was predicted to have died in 1963". However, this legend was believed to have been "false" because the police actually believed that "this report was true" because the 99 year old man really WAS John F Kennedy! According to the man's recall, he heard on the phone that the 97 year old man said that "his name WAS John F Kennedy"! Kennedy told the 42 year old man on the phone that he wanted the Washington DC Police to "rescue him from his grave". The investigation of John F Kennedy's possible resurrection took place at 9:24 PM last Thursday taking place at The White House. The official resurrection of Former President John F Kennedy took place last Friday on January 20th at 2:00 PM after the official inauguration of the new President Donald J. Trump. It was reported earlier this month that the United States Congress already had plans to revive John F Kennedy on Friday, January 20th, 2017 at The White House after the inauguration of our new President Donald J. Trump. Last week it was reported that the United States Congress had officially announced that they were going to revive John F Kennedy due to the recently positive status of the American economy. It was announced by President Barack Obama and the Members of Congress that John F Kennedy is going to be resurrected next week at The White House. Former President Obama announced to the Congress during a press conference the following. "We as Americans have come to realize in our times that political correctness is against our better judgement. So in order to move against our better judgement we must move against political correctness and come together in order to help mother America. We can help mother America by helping ourselves first and paying our gratitude to the 35th President of the United States himself, John F Kennedy. We would still make America great again if we brought back one of America's greatest presidents herself, 'John F Kennedy'. So we come to Arlington National Cemetery today to salute one of the greatest presidents of the United States of America, John F Kennedy, who will be resurrected today and brought back to life by reviving him on the forehead and blessing God himself for creating such a beloved man and bringing him back to Earth. Our dear beloved friend John F Kennedy!" A few moments later the Members of Congress clapped their hands whilst President Obama was done announcing his words at Arlington National Cemetery at JFK's grave to worship our 35th President and bring him back to life. President Obama said his prayers while the Congress laid out the plans to wake John F Kennedy and as the day in Washington, DC passed on, President Barack Obama announced on the loudspeakers, "I have said my prayers to the Lord, and I swear to Almighty God that I will revive the 35th President of the United States after I finish this prayer and thank the Lord. I hope to make America great again and make the people of America feel great again. As I step down from office this afternoon on Friday, January 20th and make way for future president elect Donald Trump, I sure hope to bring the 35th President of the United States back to an eternal full living life. Amen.". So after finishing his prayer, President Obama walked back to John F Kennedy's grave and retrieved John F Kennedy's corpse, he blessed the Lord and signed the name of the Cross on John F Kennedy's body and sang the national anthem to all the Members of Congress and the people in Washington, DC and dragged Kennedy's body straight to The White House and lit a candle for Kennedy's obituary and final resting. When President Obama arrived at The White House, he brought John F Kennedy inside The White House and blessed him with some holy bread and holy water to enlighten the spirit back to Kennedy's body and made him have an eternal life. President Obama lit the candle and blessed former President Kennedy and blew out the candle to make Kennedy have eternal powers. When President Obama came back out from The White House, a group of priests walked to the main area of the building and put John F Kennedy's body in a casket and blessed the Lord after they walked outside in front of a group of cheering people celebrating the historic day as to which John F Kennedy got eternal powers from God and President Obama said his final prayers and once again signs the cross on Kennedy's body and John F Kennedy finally woke up and opened his eyes and saw life around him. When John F Kennedy awoke, he realized that he was alive again and the audience around him cheered for America's freedom and President John F Kennedy's eternal awakening. Eternal Living President John F Kennedy got up from the ground and thanked President Obama for helping him have a second life and making him have another chance to live again.
Former 35th President John F Kennedy stood up for the first time in over 53 years of being deceased and brought back to life by Former President Obama. So John F Kennedy walked outside from The White House and looked much younger than he was in 2017 if he survived after over 53 years of being unconscious in his so-called grave. But today after he walked outside the doors of The White House, he looked just like he did back in 1963 before he was murdered by Lee Harvey Oswald on November 22nd, 1963. It was discovered that John F Kennedy's eternal powers had made him younger again and the exact same age he was back in November 22nd, 1963 when he was murdered. He was officially only 46 years old in 2017 because his eternal powers all thanks to the miracle of God had made him the exact same age as he was on November 22nd, 1963. John F Kennedy, who was at a young age of 46 years old and still going strong, got up from the ground and walked calmly to the microphone to say a few words to Mother America.
When John F Kennedy got up and walked over to the microphone to say a few words to Mother America, he realized something was wrong and he announced over the microphone to his people in Washington, DC that day the following, "I am John F Kennedy. I have come back to life by the miracle of God and the request of Mother America in its times of chaos. I announce on this beautiful Friday afternoon that I have risen from the above by our American Lord President Barack Obama. And I am grateful to announce today that I salute Donald Trump to make America great again. During America's Golden Age when many people were 'hippies' and people were driving hip cars, they said to me, 'O Father Kennedy, will you please truly help America become a better place to be for most of us Americans and make our country safe for our Allies again.' So I Father Kennedy granted my Americans' wish to make America great again, but I lost my chance to keep America great because unfortunately my life was cut short by a deranged man with a gun who almost tried to kill me. But that didn't necessarily mean that America wasn't getting better; it just meant that My Country Tis' of Thee was still our Sweet Land of Liberty, of thee I sing. America was nothing but a land where our fathers died, it was a land of the pilgrims' pride from every mountainside. Let freedom ring for our country and keep the spirit of Liberty in the hearts of America forever. And that is just what we did. But that's not all. Our new president elect Donald J. Trump will still make America great again and work for office simultaneously with me John F Kennedy. I feel much younger than I did over 53 years ago. And now I have come back to life all thanks to the miracle of God and my people believing in me. And because the people believed in me and our former President Barack Obama saved me and gave me eternal powers because of God, I am now eternal and I will keep America great again and make our country safe for Americans. So I say to Donald Trump on this historic day, 'Make America Great Again!', so God Bless America! God Bless You Donald J. Trump! Amen".
So Former President John F Kennedy finished his speech in Washington, DC at The White House and explained to his people about his new life before he would rise up to the heavens in the far future. "I am President John F Kennedy, and I have a lot of words to say to America. Donald Trump is going to be elected as President of the United States today and I will live my life the best I can before my second life is over. And so I say to my people, thank you all for believing in me and making all my dreams of being alive again come true. I am now part of God and He who will watch upon me while I live in harmony. I now have a spare life all thanks to God and all the people who have come here today to celebrate the day that I awoke from my 53 year slumber in the Heavens. I will die again someday when I am ready and God calls for me again once more and God will whisper in my ear that it is my time again to be a part of God and look down at My Country 'Tis of Thee while I become an angel again many more years from now as I have an alternate life of peace for the United States of America. This does not mean that it will be the end of my journey yet; nevertheless, it will mean that I will continue my journey above the Heavens and enjoy my time as I live today until I enjoy the final parts of my existence in Heaven. I thank the Lord for being here today as I say goodbye to the old America and begin my day as a new and greater America. So in this case, make America great again, Donald Trump. God Bless the USA. Amen".
As the crowd outside The White House applauded Kennedy's new speech in Washington, DC today, our new President Donald Trump promised to Kennedy and his new people that he would make America great again. And he welcomed his old friend John F Kennedy to the Real World, and said that Kennedy can't do it alone, so Trump said to Kennedy that he would help Former President John F Kennedy make America great again, and also keep the United States united forever. As Trump went into the 2017 Presidential Election Limousine, he signed a treaty that would help give funding to Mother America's future projects, such as making more states in the Union, building a bridge from Florida to Cuba following Fidel Castro's death, legalizing same-sex marriage in the United States, building another bridge from the Bering Sea to the Siberian Peninsula in Russia to help exports get delivered into the United States and for Americans to go to other countries by car and also for trucks to carry things into Russia without interrupting our Allies, plans to rebuild the South Tower of Two World Trade Center, and a new bridge across the Long Island Sound in Oyster Bay, NY. These are many of Donald Trump's new plans to make America great again, and it just got even better! As Trump finished his speech in Washington, DC today, he got into the 2017 Presidential Election Inauguration Limousine and set off to The White House to begin his presidential term. Former President John F Kennedy said that he would be the Vice President so that the President Donald Trump would not work alone and he would also have an old friend to help make America great again with. So John F Kennedy got up from riding with new President Donald Trump in the 2017 Cadillac Presidential Election Inauguration Limousine and closed the doors and ran up to the speech table and reached for the microphone and planned out his final speech. Kennedy said to the American people the following, "President Trump has stated that he can't make America great again alone, so I have decided to help Trump with making America a greater country so that President Trump won't have to work alone, and he'll have an old friend to talk to and make America great again with. So now Mother America, I have decided that I am now the new Vice President of the United States of America, 'John F Kennedy for America'. Thank you America! What a beautiful country! I salute you Mother America! God Bless the USA! Let freedom ring from sea to shining sea! Thank You! Amen!".
As Kennedy finished his speech outside The White House, he announced to his people as the Vice President of America the following, "Thank You for coming here today. I have officially saluted the American people the way it's supposed to be. So as I thank you all for coming today, I will tell all of you Americans that I am now off to The White House! Thank You America! Make America Great Again! Amen!". As Kennedy finished his final speech outside The White House, he waved his hands to the people of America and shook their hands. Former President and Future Vice President John F Kennedy walked outside The White House and went inside the building in order to help President Donald Trump. Future Vice President John F Kennedy walked into The White House and shook President Trump's hands and said to his new friend, "Pleased to meet you Mr. Trump. I support your plan to make America great again! Thank You Mr. Trump!". As Former President John F Kennedy greeted his New President Donald J. Trump, he shook his hands, wished him good luck, said to Donald J. Trump "Happy Inauguration Day!", and started his work as Vice President of the United States in his office at The White House and signed the American papers! As Kennedy finished signing the American papers, the people in Washington, DC outside The White House cheered for the New President and the return of Mother America's Greatest President herself, "John F Kennedy". So the New President Donald J. Trump said in his new words in the office, "Make America Great Again! Hallelujah! Amen! God Bless the USA!" and all the people in Washington, DC cheered outside The White House because a new President for Mother America was inaugurated, and that the Greatest American President herself, "John F Kennedy" returned from his 53 year long temporary sleep from under his temporary grave at Arlington National Cemetery in Washington, DC. Later that day, the citizens of America at Washington, DC cheered for America's greatest President herself "John F Kennedy", and had a private party at The White House for all the Americans who attended the long speech for New President Donald J. Trump and the long-awaited return of the Greatest American President herself, John Fitzgerald Kennedy. So later that night, all the Americans partied like it was 1999 and partied all night long! So John F Kennedy has finally come back to life all thanks to the miracle of God! So it is reported that if you are religious and believe in God himself, God will answer your call and help you solve your problems! So follow God himself and don't pay attention to the bad things happening in the World or the Devil Satan himself. So that ends the story of the Old America and a new beginning for Mother America and the new story of how America became great again!
Some speculators from The New York Times had already stated that this is crazy business for the real world, but there will be proof next on whether or not John F Kennedy has resurrected from his grave! It was reported last Saturday evening that The New York Times had apologized for their doubt on the revival of the legacy of America's greatest President herself, John Fitzgerald Kennedy, and a bonus recent article from The New York Times also mentioned about John F Kennedy's resurrection that our new President Donald J. Trump was truly going to make America great again! And The New York Times also concluded that America would finally be great again in 4 years when Trump's first term is over, and John F Kennedy would say to the people that America was great again all thanks to Donald J. Trump and the official resurrection of John Fitzgerald Kennedy himself. So today we find out if John F Kennedy had finally resurrected in the wake of society. If this is true then the speculators would have been correct that John F Kennedy survived after over 53 years of being unconscious in his "so-called" grave. The news has become viral as of late January 2017! Next week it will be announced in The White House on whether John F Kennedy is back to life all thanks to the miracle of God and the official consideration of Mother America's future, and new Vice President John F Kennedy will serve in for current nominee Mike Pence so that America can be even greater than before! And America will be great again all thanks to the miracle of God, the official resurrection of John Fitzgerald Kennedy, Former President Barack Obama, New President Donald J. Trump, and the faith of the American people in America's hard times of chaos. Now that our 35th President John F Kennedy is back and still young, and the American economy is now thriving all thanks to the new President Donald Trump, the new Vice President John Fitzgerald Kennedy instead of Mike Pence, and our Americans, America is once again great and will continue to be the greatest country in the world. So it was all thanks to Former President Barack Obama, Eternal Living John F Kennedy, New President Donald Trump, and our loyal Americans for making America great again! John F Kennedy said to The New York Times that "it all couldn't have been done without the miracle of God, the faith of Former President Barack Obama, the wisdom of New President Donald J. Trump, and our loyal Americans to bring me back to life again. I am very happy today to be here on this historic day to welcome the world to Greater Mother America. God Bless the USA and have a Happy Inauguration Day! Amen!". So that's all for tonight! See you next time on Sarcasm News Tonight!
This report has been a proud production of Sarcasm News Tonight!
Matty Iannielli - Proud reporter of Sarcasm News Tonight!
(C)2017 Sarcasm News Tonight.
(C)2017 Sarcastic Productions.
The End
Matty Iannielli
According to an old SNT news report from last September 2015, it was reported that John F Kennedy was coming back to life! We explained to our readers on September 2nd, 2015 that a 97 year old man named John F Kennedy was asking for someone to "rescue him from his grave". We also said on the report that the Washington DC Police Department investigated a phone call from the 97 year old man that was received by a 42 year old man who answered the "undetermined" phone call at a phone booth in the middle of the cemetery. We also said that the 42 year old man heard on the phone that the 97 year old man said that "his name WAS John F Kennedy". The report went on saying that Kennedy told the 42 year old man on the phone that he wanted the Washington DC Police to "rescue him from his grave". The call was investigated by the Washington DC Police Department and was discovered on his ID to have said "John F Kennedy". Unfortunately, an unrealistic legend from the 1960's had a sarcastic report stating that "John F Kennedy was predicted to have died in 1963". However, this legend was believed to have been "false" because the police actually believed that "this report was true" because the 99 year old man really WAS John F Kennedy! According to the man's recall, he heard on the phone that the 97 year old man said that "his name WAS John F Kennedy"! Kennedy told the 42 year old man on the phone that he wanted the Washington DC Police to "rescue him from his grave". The investigation of John F Kennedy's possible resurrection took place at 9:24 PM last Thursday taking place at The White House. The official resurrection of Former President John F Kennedy took place last Friday on January 20th at 2:00 PM after the official inauguration of the new President Donald J. Trump. It was reported earlier this month that the United States Congress already had plans to revive John F Kennedy on Friday, January 20th, 2017 at The White House after the inauguration of our new President Donald J. Trump. Last week it was reported that the United States Congress had officially announced that they were going to revive John F Kennedy due to the recently positive status of the American economy. It was announced by President Barack Obama and the Members of Congress that John F Kennedy is going to be resurrected next week at The White House. Former President Obama announced to the Congress during a press conference the following. "We as Americans have come to realize in our times that political correctness is against our better judgement. So in order to move against our better judgement we must move against political correctness and come together in order to help mother America. We can help mother America by helping ourselves first and paying our gratitude to the 35th President of the United States himself, John F Kennedy. We would still make America great again if we brought back one of America's greatest presidents herself, 'John F Kennedy'. So we come to Arlington National Cemetery today to salute one of the greatest presidents of the United States of America, John F Kennedy, who will be resurrected today and brought back to life by reviving him on the forehead and blessing God himself for creating such a beloved man and bringing him back to Earth. Our dear beloved friend John F Kennedy!" A few moments later the Members of Congress clapped their hands whilst President Obama was done announcing his words at Arlington National Cemetery at JFK's grave to worship our 35th President and bring him back to life. President Obama said his prayers while the Congress laid out the plans to wake John F Kennedy and as the day in Washington, DC passed on, President Barack Obama announced on the loudspeakers, "I have said my prayers to the Lord, and I swear to Almighty God that I will revive the 35th President of the United States after I finish this prayer and thank the Lord. I hope to make America great again and make the people of America feel great again. As I step down from office this afternoon on Friday, January 20th and make way for future president elect Donald Trump, I sure hope to bring the 35th President of the United States back to an eternal full living life. Amen.". So after finishing his prayer, President Obama walked back to John F Kennedy's grave and retrieved John F Kennedy's corpse, he blessed the Lord and signed the name of the Cross on John F Kennedy's body and sang the national anthem to all the Members of Congress and the people in Washington, DC and dragged Kennedy's body straight to The White House and lit a candle for Kennedy's obituary and final resting. When President Obama arrived at The White House, he brought John F Kennedy inside The White House and blessed him with some holy bread and holy water to enlighten the spirit back to Kennedy's body and made him have an eternal life. President Obama lit the candle and blessed former President Kennedy and blew out the candle to make Kennedy have eternal powers. When President Obama came back out from The White House, a group of priests walked to the main area of the building and put John F Kennedy's body in a casket and blessed the Lord after they walked outside in front of a group of cheering people celebrating the historic day as to which John F Kennedy got eternal powers from God and President Obama said his final prayers and once again signs the cross on Kennedy's body and John F Kennedy finally woke up and opened his eyes and saw life around him. When John F Kennedy awoke, he realized that he was alive again and the audience around him cheered for America's freedom and President John F Kennedy's eternal awakening. Eternal Living President John F Kennedy got up from the ground and thanked President Obama for helping him have a second life and making him have another chance to live again.
Former 35th President John F Kennedy stood up for the first time in over 53 years of being deceased and brought back to life by Former President Obama. So John F Kennedy walked outside from The White House and looked much younger than he was in 2017 if he survived after over 53 years of being unconscious in his so-called grave. But today after he walked outside the doors of The White House, he looked just like he did back in 1963 before he was murdered by Lee Harvey Oswald on November 22nd, 1963. It was discovered that John F Kennedy's eternal powers had made him younger again and the exact same age he was back in November 22nd, 1963 when he was murdered. He was officially only 46 years old in 2017 because his eternal powers all thanks to the miracle of God had made him the exact same age as he was on November 22nd, 1963. John F Kennedy, who was at a young age of 46 years old and still going strong, got up from the ground and walked calmly to the microphone to say a few words to Mother America.
When John F Kennedy got up and walked over to the microphone to say a few words to Mother America, he realized something was wrong and he announced over the microphone to his people in Washington, DC that day the following, "I am John F Kennedy. I have come back to life by the miracle of God and the request of Mother America in its times of chaos. I announce on this beautiful Friday afternoon that I have risen from the above by our American Lord President Barack Obama. And I am grateful to announce today that I salute Donald Trump to make America great again. During America's Golden Age when many people were 'hippies' and people were driving hip cars, they said to me, 'O Father Kennedy, will you please truly help America become a better place to be for most of us Americans and make our country safe for our Allies again.' So I Father Kennedy granted my Americans' wish to make America great again, but I lost my chance to keep America great because unfortunately my life was cut short by a deranged man with a gun who almost tried to kill me. But that didn't necessarily mean that America wasn't getting better; it just meant that My Country Tis' of Thee was still our Sweet Land of Liberty, of thee I sing. America was nothing but a land where our fathers died, it was a land of the pilgrims' pride from every mountainside. Let freedom ring for our country and keep the spirit of Liberty in the hearts of America forever. And that is just what we did. But that's not all. Our new president elect Donald J. Trump will still make America great again and work for office simultaneously with me John F Kennedy. I feel much younger than I did over 53 years ago. And now I have come back to life all thanks to the miracle of God and my people believing in me. And because the people believed in me and our former President Barack Obama saved me and gave me eternal powers because of God, I am now eternal and I will keep America great again and make our country safe for Americans. So I say to Donald Trump on this historic day, 'Make America Great Again!', so God Bless America! God Bless You Donald J. Trump! Amen".
So Former President John F Kennedy finished his speech in Washington, DC at The White House and explained to his people about his new life before he would rise up to the heavens in the far future. "I am President John F Kennedy, and I have a lot of words to say to America. Donald Trump is going to be elected as President of the United States today and I will live my life the best I can before my second life is over. And so I say to my people, thank you all for believing in me and making all my dreams of being alive again come true. I am now part of God and He who will watch upon me while I live in harmony. I now have a spare life all thanks to God and all the people who have come here today to celebrate the day that I awoke from my 53 year slumber in the Heavens. I will die again someday when I am ready and God calls for me again once more and God will whisper in my ear that it is my time again to be a part of God and look down at My Country 'Tis of Thee while I become an angel again many more years from now as I have an alternate life of peace for the United States of America. This does not mean that it will be the end of my journey yet; nevertheless, it will mean that I will continue my journey above the Heavens and enjoy my time as I live today until I enjoy the final parts of my existence in Heaven. I thank the Lord for being here today as I say goodbye to the old America and begin my day as a new and greater America. So in this case, make America great again, Donald Trump. God Bless the USA. Amen".
As the crowd outside The White House applauded Kennedy's new speech in Washington, DC today, our new President Donald Trump promised to Kennedy and his new people that he would make America great again. And he welcomed his old friend John F Kennedy to the Real World, and said that Kennedy can't do it alone, so Trump said to Kennedy that he would help Former President John F Kennedy make America great again, and also keep the United States united forever. As Trump went into the 2017 Presidential Election Limousine, he signed a treaty that would help give funding to Mother America's future projects, such as making more states in the Union, building a bridge from Florida to Cuba following Fidel Castro's death, legalizing same-sex marriage in the United States, building another bridge from the Bering Sea to the Siberian Peninsula in Russia to help exports get delivered into the United States and for Americans to go to other countries by car and also for trucks to carry things into Russia without interrupting our Allies, plans to rebuild the South Tower of Two World Trade Center, and a new bridge across the Long Island Sound in Oyster Bay, NY. These are many of Donald Trump's new plans to make America great again, and it just got even better! As Trump finished his speech in Washington, DC today, he got into the 2017 Presidential Election Inauguration Limousine and set off to The White House to begin his presidential term. Former President John F Kennedy said that he would be the Vice President so that the President Donald Trump would not work alone and he would also have an old friend to help make America great again with. So John F Kennedy got up from riding with new President Donald Trump in the 2017 Cadillac Presidential Election Inauguration Limousine and closed the doors and ran up to the speech table and reached for the microphone and planned out his final speech. Kennedy said to the American people the following, "President Trump has stated that he can't make America great again alone, so I have decided to help Trump with making America a greater country so that President Trump won't have to work alone, and he'll have an old friend to talk to and make America great again with. So now Mother America, I have decided that I am now the new Vice President of the United States of America, 'John F Kennedy for America'. Thank you America! What a beautiful country! I salute you Mother America! God Bless the USA! Let freedom ring from sea to shining sea! Thank You! Amen!".
As Kennedy finished his speech outside The White House, he announced to his people as the Vice President of America the following, "Thank You for coming here today. I have officially saluted the American people the way it's supposed to be. So as I thank you all for coming today, I will tell all of you Americans that I am now off to The White House! Thank You America! Make America Great Again! Amen!". As Kennedy finished his final speech outside The White House, he waved his hands to the people of America and shook their hands. Former President and Future Vice President John F Kennedy walked outside The White House and went inside the building in order to help President Donald Trump. Future Vice President John F Kennedy walked into The White House and shook President Trump's hands and said to his new friend, "Pleased to meet you Mr. Trump. I support your plan to make America great again! Thank You Mr. Trump!". As Former President John F Kennedy greeted his New President Donald J. Trump, he shook his hands, wished him good luck, said to Donald J. Trump "Happy Inauguration Day!", and started his work as Vice President of the United States in his office at The White House and signed the American papers! As Kennedy finished signing the American papers, the people in Washington, DC outside The White House cheered for the New President and the return of Mother America's Greatest President herself, "John F Kennedy". So the New President Donald J. Trump said in his new words in the office, "Make America Great Again! Hallelujah! Amen! God Bless the USA!" and all the people in Washington, DC cheered outside The White House because a new President for Mother America was inaugurated, and that the Greatest American President herself, "John F Kennedy" returned from his 53 year long temporary sleep from under his temporary grave at Arlington National Cemetery in Washington, DC. Later that day, the citizens of America at Washington, DC cheered for America's greatest President herself "John F Kennedy", and had a private party at The White House for all the Americans who attended the long speech for New President Donald J. Trump and the long-awaited return of the Greatest American President herself, John Fitzgerald Kennedy. So later that night, all the Americans partied like it was 1999 and partied all night long! So John F Kennedy has finally come back to life all thanks to the miracle of God! So it is reported that if you are religious and believe in God himself, God will answer your call and help you solve your problems! So follow God himself and don't pay attention to the bad things happening in the World or the Devil Satan himself. So that ends the story of the Old America and a new beginning for Mother America and the new story of how America became great again!
Some speculators from The New York Times had already stated that this is crazy business for the real world, but there will be proof next on whether or not John F Kennedy has resurrected from his grave! It was reported last Saturday evening that The New York Times had apologized for their doubt on the revival of the legacy of America's greatest President herself, John Fitzgerald Kennedy, and a bonus recent article from The New York Times also mentioned about John F Kennedy's resurrection that our new President Donald J. Trump was truly going to make America great again! And The New York Times also concluded that America would finally be great again in 4 years when Trump's first term is over, and John F Kennedy would say to the people that America was great again all thanks to Donald J. Trump and the official resurrection of John Fitzgerald Kennedy himself. So today we find out if John F Kennedy had finally resurrected in the wake of society. If this is true then the speculators would have been correct that John F Kennedy survived after over 53 years of being unconscious in his "so-called" grave. The news has become viral as of late January 2017! Next week it will be announced in The White House on whether John F Kennedy is back to life all thanks to the miracle of God and the official consideration of Mother America's future, and new Vice President John F Kennedy will serve in for current nominee Mike Pence so that America can be even greater than before! And America will be great again all thanks to the miracle of God, the official resurrection of John Fitzgerald Kennedy, Former President Barack Obama, New President Donald J. Trump, and the faith of the American people in America's hard times of chaos. Now that our 35th President John F Kennedy is back and still young, and the American economy is now thriving all thanks to the new President Donald Trump, the new Vice President John Fitzgerald Kennedy instead of Mike Pence, and our Americans, America is once again great and will continue to be the greatest country in the world. So it was all thanks to Former President Barack Obama, Eternal Living John F Kennedy, New President Donald Trump, and our loyal Americans for making America great again! John F Kennedy said to The New York Times that "it all couldn't have been done without the miracle of God, the faith of Former President Barack Obama, the wisdom of New President Donald J. Trump, and our loyal Americans to bring me back to life again. I am very happy today to be here on this historic day to welcome the world to Greater Mother America. God Bless the USA and have a Happy Inauguration Day! Amen!". So that's all for tonight! See you next time on Sarcasm News Tonight!
This report has been a proud production of Sarcasm News Tonight!
Matty Iannielli - Proud reporter of Sarcasm News Tonight!
(C)2017 Sarcasm News Tonight.
(C)2017 Sarcastic Productions.
The End
Matty Iannielli